Say What?

I mentioned one of my writing pet peeves, said bookisms, in this post.  There may be a bit of confusion as to what those actually are.  I don't blame you...  I only learned the term in the past year (and before that, I wasn't even sure if there was a term for it, to be honest).

Basically, a said bookism is when the author replaces the word "said" when writing dialogue.  The word "said" has been used for so long that, in most people's minds, it actually disappears as one is reading.  Also, it makes sense.  A lot of said bookisms don't.  If you look up the term, you'll find lots of great examples of said bookisms that you really should try to keep to a minimum in your writing.  Some of them are acceptable (in moderation), but others are kind of ridiculous:

Okay:
shouted
whispered
replied
whined
asked
cried
shrieked

Not okay:
laughed
smirked
hissed
shrugged
sneered
smiled
shuddered

Think for a moment.  Can you actually shrug a sentence?  How about laugh one?  Try it.  Not very easy, is it?  Sighing might be somewhat acceptable if your character's response is a one-word answer.  But sighing a long sentence is pushing it.

That said, you don't necessarily need to use a speech attribution on every piece of dialogue, either.  Let's look at the following example:

The two teens ran down the alley, turned the corner, and leaned against the wall.

"I don't think they're following us," Jane said.

"Are you sure?" Paul said.

"No, but I'm not about to look," Jane said.

"What if they want to kill us?" Paul said, nervously twisting his backpack strap in his hands.

"I'm sure they don't," Jane said.  "They probably just want to talk with us.  But that's a conversation I really don't want to have."

You could argue that, while it's technically correct, it's a bit clunky.  You could probably get away with writing the following:

The two teens ran down the alley, turned the corner, and leaned against the wall.

"I don't think they're following us," Jane said.

"Are you sure?" Paul asked.

"No, but I'm not about to look."

"What if they want to kill us?"  He nervously twisted his backpack strap in his hands.

"I'm sure they don't.  They probably just want to talk with us.  But that's a conversation I really don't want to have."

All you really need are a few speech attribution tags, just enough to make sure that it's clear who's doing the talking.

Now, with said bookisms, things can start to get a bit ridiculous.  If your characters' words don't convey the atmosphere or urgency you require, then maybe it's time to look at what they're actually saying... because just adding said bookisms can end up looking silly (especially if you go and add adverbs to them)!

The two teens ran down the alley, turned the corner, and leaned against the wall.

"I don't think they're following us," Jane panted loudly.

"Are you sure?" Paul wheezed.

"No, but I'm not about to look," Jane shrugged.

"What if they want to kill us?" Paul shuddered, nervously twisting his backpack strap in his hands.

"I'm sure they don't," Jane smiled uncertainly.  "They probably just want to talk with us.  But that's a conversation I really don't want to have."

That actually doesn't look that weird, but only because there's way too much of that kind of writing in some of today's books; it's become almost commonplace.  Even worse is this:

"They want to kill us," he nervously twisted his backpack strap in his hands.

It needs to be said, since I've come across this mistake in two books in the past year.  This is not correct.  Nervously twisting a backpack strap is not a proper speech attribution.  Think of it this way: if you can't turn the sentence around and have it make sense, then it's probably not right.

Paul nervously twisted his backpack strap that they wanted to kill them.

Does that make sense?  Of course not.

Paul said that they wanted to kill them.

A proper speech attribution (in this case, "said") makes sense.  If it's not an actual speech attribution, then you need to start a new sentence... not just tack the next thought onto the existing dialogue.

And that concludes today's lecture.  < /soapbox>