The Ghosts of Blogging Past - How to Write Your Very Own Young Adult Paranormal Romance

I came across this old post when I was searching my blog for something else.  I barely remember writing it!  It was written more than five years ago, shortly after I started blogging, and I'd obviously been reading a lot of paranormal romances.  Unfortunately, based on the books I've read in the past five years, much of this is still applicable:

How to Write Your Very Own Young Adult Paranormal Romance

Booking Through Thursday (38)

Booking Through Thursday asks:

What’s the most helpful book you’ve ever read?

I think that would probably be one of the books on writing I've read over the years... though I'm not sure I could pick just one.  And, also, you'd have to define what you meant by "helpful".  These books have been great for honing the craft of writing... but they haven't been so great for my reading life; now I tend to nitpick and I'm really hard on the books I read because I tend to spot the "errors".

Some of the books that I've found "helpful" are:

You Can Write a Novel by James V. Smith, Jr. - It's a great one for getting everything together so you can sit down and get something on the page.

The Writer's Journey by Christopher Vogler - It uses Joseph Campbell's work as its basis and builds on it with concrete examples from popular culture.  This is also an interesting book for readers, since it teaches about story structure.  (You'll never be able to read a book or watch a movie the same way after reading this one!)

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg - Its little snippets of wisdom are great for inspiration!

On Writing by Stephen King - It's funny that I've yet to read one of his novels, but I've read his book about writing novels!  He's got some great advice in here, along with some biographical material that makes for interesting reading.  Every writer should have a copy of this one!

What's the most helpful book you've ever read?  Tell me in the comments!

Pet Peeves

It drives me up the wall when...

10. ... people make a word plural by adding an apostrophe and an "s".  I don't know what's going on in schools today, but I learned this way back in elementary school.  If you want to make something plural, you usually just add an "s".  You don't add an apostrophe.  An apostrophe indicates a possessive or a contraction... not a plural.

9. ... people don't know the difference between "you're" and "your".  When I see someone write, "Your gay," the only thing that makes me cringe more than the derogatory insult is the grammar.  Your gay what?

8. ... people say, "I'm waiting on line."  I'm not sure if it's a regional thing or if people are getting confused because of the Internet and the term "online", but it drives me nuts.  You're not standing on the line; you're standing in it.

7. ... authors don't proofread their online words.  If you can't be bothered to get the words right on your blog or message board, it makes me wonder if you bothered to get them right in your book.  And if you can't be bothered, why should I?

6. ... I see ellipses with two periods instead of three.  There is no such thing as a two-dot ellipsis.

5. ... authors use "said bookisms".  If you can actually laugh, snort, groan, or gasp your words, more power to you.  But most of us can't, so when I see book characters doing these things, I don't find it realistic.

4. ... people stick complete sentences together with commas.  I shouldn't have to explain why this is a problem.

3. ... reviewers consider a book to be well written just because it's popular.  That's dishonest.  If you like the book, just say you like the book.  I can't fault you for having an opinion.  But if you say it's well written even though it's full of grammatical errors, purple prose, and typos, I'll probably lose trust in your opinion.

2. ... people don't know the difference between "loose" and "lose".  If you say you want to "loose weight", it conjures up strange mental images.  "Loose" (as a verb) means to set free.  "Lose" means to be unable to find or have.  While I guess you could technically loose your weight, I'm not sure exactly what that would look like.  I'm imagining a bunch of little fat cells running free through the hills...

1. ... people misspell "definitely".  There is no "a" in "definitely".  Let me repeat that again, because I rarely see this word spelled correctly.  There is no "a" in "definitely".  It's not "definately" or "defenately" or "definantly" or "defiantly" (although that is a word... but probably not the one you mean).  Please, please, please learn to spell "definitely"... or don't use it.

Say What?

I mentioned one of my writing pet peeves, said bookisms, in this post.  There may be a bit of confusion as to what those actually are.  I don't blame you...  I only learned the term in the past year (and before that, I wasn't even sure if there was a term for it, to be honest).

Basically, a said bookism is when the author replaces the word "said" when writing dialogue.  The word "said" has been used for so long that, in most people's minds, it actually disappears as one is reading.  Also, it makes sense.  A lot of said bookisms don't.  If you look up the term, you'll find lots of great examples of said bookisms that you really should try to keep to a minimum in your writing.  Some of them are acceptable (in moderation), but others are kind of ridiculous:

Okay:
shouted
whispered
replied
whined
asked
cried
shrieked

Not okay:
laughed
smirked
hissed
shrugged
sneered
smiled
shuddered

Think for a moment.  Can you actually shrug a sentence?  How about laugh one?  Try it.  Not very easy, is it?  Sighing might be somewhat acceptable if your character's response is a one-word answer.  But sighing a long sentence is pushing it.

That said, you don't necessarily need to use a speech attribution on every piece of dialogue, either.  Let's look at the following example:

The two teens ran down the alley, turned the corner, and leaned against the wall.

"I don't think they're following us," Jane said.

"Are you sure?" Paul said.

"No, but I'm not about to look," Jane said.

"What if they want to kill us?" Paul said, nervously twisting his backpack strap in his hands.

"I'm sure they don't," Jane said.  "They probably just want to talk with us.  But that's a conversation I really don't want to have."

You could argue that, while it's technically correct, it's a bit clunky.  You could probably get away with writing the following:

The two teens ran down the alley, turned the corner, and leaned against the wall.

"I don't think they're following us," Jane said.

"Are you sure?" Paul asked.

"No, but I'm not about to look."

"What if they want to kill us?"  He nervously twisted his backpack strap in his hands.

"I'm sure they don't.  They probably just want to talk with us.  But that's a conversation I really don't want to have."

All you really need are a few speech attribution tags, just enough to make sure that it's clear who's doing the talking.

Now, with said bookisms, things can start to get a bit ridiculous.  If your characters' words don't convey the atmosphere or urgency you require, then maybe it's time to look at what they're actually saying... because just adding said bookisms can end up looking silly (especially if you go and add adverbs to them)!

The two teens ran down the alley, turned the corner, and leaned against the wall.

"I don't think they're following us," Jane panted loudly.

"Are you sure?" Paul wheezed.

"No, but I'm not about to look," Jane shrugged.

"What if they want to kill us?" Paul shuddered, nervously twisting his backpack strap in his hands.

"I'm sure they don't," Jane smiled uncertainly.  "They probably just want to talk with us.  But that's a conversation I really don't want to have."

That actually doesn't look that weird, but only because there's way too much of that kind of writing in some of today's books; it's become almost commonplace.  Even worse is this:

"They want to kill us," he nervously twisted his backpack strap in his hands.

It needs to be said, since I've come across this mistake in two books in the past year.  This is not correct.  Nervously twisting a backpack strap is not a proper speech attribution.  Think of it this way: if you can't turn the sentence around and have it make sense, then it's probably not right.

Paul nervously twisted his backpack strap that they wanted to kill them.

Does that make sense?  Of course not.

Paul said that they wanted to kill them.

A proper speech attribution (in this case, "said") makes sense.  If it's not an actual speech attribution, then you need to start a new sentence... not just tack the next thought onto the existing dialogue.

And that concludes today's lecture.  < /soapbox>

Wednesday Writing (2)

Wednesday Writing is a meme that was started by Tashi at Taste Life Twice.

Wednesday Writing: You come here Wednesdays and I'll give you a few words to write on or a picture to write about. You interpret the picture as you like. But there are a couple catches.

1. You must include the 2-3 words I choose or write about the picture I post.
2. You must tell a story.
3. You can't write more than 100 words.

This week's words are: cocoa, Chapstick, and hollow. And here's what I came up with:

Usually, buying herself a new lipstick or some glittery eyeshadow cheered her up. But that day, not even cocoa-flavoured lip balm could help fill the hollow in her chest. Maybe retail therapy never had been the answer.

She sighed, applied another layer of Chapstick to her tear-blistered lips, and slunk past the life-sized display, trying very hard not to punch the grinning cardboard model in the head.

Eh... I was bored. Maybe that's not really a true story as much as it is a teaser... but it has me wondering why this person is in such a bad mood!

A Flawed Attack

I'm so tired of book groupies harping on people who give bad reviews. One of their most common attack phrases is, "If you think you can do better, write your own book!" That really bugs me, for a number of reasons.

First, it's a personal attack. It usually has little to do with the book and more to do with someone feeling insulted. Just because you like a book that other people have panned doesn't necessarily mean you're stupid. It just means your tastes are different.

(Plus, if you go around challenging people to become writers, they just might take you up on it. And then you'll have to eat your words if they write something good!)

Second, many of us could do better. But not everybody wants to be a writer. Some people are content to just be readers. And that's perfectly fine. What's not perfectly fine is to imply that, as a reader, you must like every book in existence. That's simply not realistic, and it denies the fact that we are all individuals with different opinions and tastes (and aptitudes for syntax).

Third, you don't need to be a writer to know when a book is just plain bad (unfortunately, being an editor doesn't seem to help much in some instances, either). Imagine that you go to a restaurant and order a fancy meal. But when you get your food, the salad tastes moldy, the chicken is rubbery, and the dessert is burnt. You don't need to be a five-star chef in order to know that your food tastes bad. Similarly, you don't need to be an author to know when a book is garbage.

Sometimes reviews pointing out the shortcomings of a book (or a restaurant) are necessary. If we weren't allowed to give bad reviews, we'd all have to sit there, smiling, while we choked down rubbery chicken with a side of sautéed genre fiction. And what's enjoyable about that?

SNS (Stupid Narrator Syndrome)

Perhaps it's just the books I've been reading lately, but I've noticed a bit of an epidemic. "An epidemic of what?" you might ask. The condition is called SNS, or Stupid Narrator Syndrome, and it seems to be striking characters in young adult literature* at an alarming rate.

There are three common variations of this condition. I'll outline each of them briefly:

1. SNS with co-morbid cluelessness
Examples: Aislinn (Wicked Lovely), Abbey (The Hollow)

If these characters were in a movie, they'd be the ones innocently walking straight into the clutches of the villain while the whole theatre screams, "No! Don't turn that blood-smeared doorknob!" These are the characters who are always the last to know, who figure things out long after everyone else, who can have the answer staring them in the face for hundreds of pages without triggering the little lightbulb in their heads. And when they finally do get it, the reader's reaction is pretty much, "Well, duh."

2. SNS with co-morbid recklessness
Examples: Bella (Twilight), Nora (Hush, Hush)

These are the characters whose SNS is characterized by stupid behaviours which often seem like nothing more than a way to drive the plot forward. The way these characters behave is pretty contrived... unless it's common to jump off of cliffs to try to trigger auditory hallucinations or to give away your new winter coat in skid row in order to get directions. This variation of SNS also manifests as girls trying to be with guys of questionable safety. The reader usually knows the guy is bad news. Sometimes the girl does, too. But that won't stop her from trying to be with him if she has this form of SNS.

3. SNS with co-morbid denial
Examples: Ever (Evermore), Jessica (Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side)

This variation is similar to the first, in that the evidence is staring the character in the face. However, rather than being completely clueless, these characters are in denial. They see what they want to see. They're often written as skeptics, who drive readers crazy because they're in denial for so long that you just want to scream, "He's a vampire! Deal with it, already!" Some characters (e.g., Jessica) recover from this form of SNS quickly when presented with sufficient evidence, while others will stubbornly cling to their skepticism until the reader has become convinced the denial is nothing more than a poorly used literary device.

The problem with characters suffering from SNS is that they're often used (to frustrating effect) in order to drag out the narrative. They're also somewhat insulting; they're a sign that the author doesn't think very highly of his or her readers' intelligence. A mystery isn't much fun if the reader has already figured everything out; watching the slow narrator put together the pieces of the puzzle isn't usually entertaining (although there are exceptions).

What's your opinion of SNS? Is it a condition that does little harm? Or is it something that authors should strive to eradicate? What other characters can you think of who suffer from one of the three variants of SNS?
 
*My intention is not to mock any particular author. I'm just pointing out a pattern I've noticed in my recent YA reads. I actually enjoy some books with characters suffering from SNS!

Wednesday Writing (1)

Wednesday Writing is a meme that was started by Tashi at Taste Life Twice.

Wednesday Writing: You come here Wednesdays and I'll give you a few words to write on or a picture to write about. You interpret the picture as you like. But there are a couple catches.

1. You must include the 2-3 words I choose or write about the picture I post.
2. You must tell a story.
3. You can't write more than 100 words.

This week's words are: tears, sweet, and friendship. And here's what I came up with:

Only his tears, sweet against her lips, gave her any indication that something was wrong.

"Stop," he said.

She did. Abruptly. Reluctantly.

He shook his head. "I don't want to ruin what we have."

With a grunt, she pulled away and folded her arms. "We don't have anything."

"We have friendship."

She raised one eyebrow in a familiar expression that made his heart sink.

"Not anymore," she said.

By my count, that's 68 words. Well, at least I didn't go over. Is this kind of writing considered an extreme form of flash fiction?

How to Write Your Very Own Young Adult Paranormal Romance

Note: This is just for fun. I'm not doing this to attack any particular book or series. I just noticed a pattern and I thought it would be amusing to write a little bit about it.

How to Write Your Very Own Young Adult Paranormal Romance

1. Characters

Since most of your readers will be young women between the ages of 13 and 21, you'll want to have a protagonist in that age group. Make her about 18 or so; this way, the younger girls will have something to aspire to, and the older girls will have someone they can relate to. Your protagonist should either be a) beautiful, but unaware of her beauty; or b) beautiful and aware of it, but full of false modesty. In either case, your protagonist should have fairly low self-esteem. This will allow her to complain about her looks, inviting others to tell her how beautiful she really is. Your protagonist should be a normal human (as opposed to some sort of supernatural creature). If she is something other than human (or superhuman!), this must be withheld from the reader until the last couple of pages. Dropping hints is okay, but realize that your readers are probably going to figure it out long before you think they will. They're not stupid.

Now for the main character's love interest. He should be tall; this ensures that your protagonist will have to gaze up longingly into his eyes. He should have a good head of hair that can be described as "thick", "lustrous", or "flowing". These guys are never bald. Their eyes should have some noteworthy characteristic (and even if they're just plain ol' brown eyes, make sure you mention them as many times as possible). And in paranormal romance, this is the place for a supernatural creature. Whether you decide to make him a vampire, a werewolf, a shapeshifter, or an immortal, there are a few rules to keep in mind:

Paranormal creatures (especially hot, sexy ones) don't have bodily functions. They never go to the bathroom, even if they eat. Have you ever seen a werewolf have to excuse himself because his dinner of deer and/or wayward Boy Scout didn't agree with him? Of course not. This is because normal bodily functions are decidedly not sexy, so any mention of them should be avoided.

These guys always have a tragic past. Maybe they were beaten and abused as children. Maybe they lost the love of their life years (or decades... or centuries) earlier. Maybe they were turned into what they are against their will. In any case, they're now a wounded character. Milk this for all it's worth. Shows of sympathy from your protagonist (preferably involving gentle caresses where she brushes his flowing hair from his face) are a good way to do this. But remember... these guys don't want to talk about it. If you make them spill the beans too quickly, they might come across as... well, a little too girly for a leading man.

Don't worry about keeping to a particular set of creature traits, either. In today's fiction, you can get away with pretty much anything. Your vampire doesn't need to drink blood, sport fangs, and turn into a bat. One attribute is enough, and you can use the term "vampire" all you want. The same goes for werewolves, shapeshifters, immortals, fairies, selkies, mermaids, or any other paranormal creature. After all, you want to put your own spin on it, and you can't do that if you're hemmed in by conventions.

2. Plot

Whatever you do, don't come up with your own story! Stick with the tried-and-true. (There are no new ideas anyway, right?) The basic formula can be summed up in the following:

A hot new guy shows up at the local high school and seems to have eyes only for your protagonist. Your protagonist is both attracted and repelled by this mysterious teen hottie, who, of course, turns out to be some sort of supernatural creature. By the end of the story, they will be madly in love, and the girl will have been turned into one of her love interest's own kind.

The protagonist should vascillate between loving this paranormal cutie and wishing he would just go away. Don't forget, though: by the end of the book, she should have cycled back into loving him (if this hasn't happened, you need to add some more padding, some banal incident that will bring her back around).

Oh, and don't forget: all books in this genre must include a reference to Wuthering Heights. It's absolutely compulsory. The easiest way to do this (especially in young adult fiction) is to have the characters read the book in their high school English class. Then, let the dysfunctional relationship comparisons begin!

3. Writing Style

Write your book in the first person point of view (i.e., as if your main character is telling the story). You get bonus points if you write in the present tense. It just makes everything seem more immediate. With this point of view, the protagonist doesn't know any more than we do.

Make sure that your characters do strange things with their eyes. Have their eyes caress their lover's body, graze their surroundings, and bounce around the room. This adds an element of humour to the story, since such wording can be interpreted in a couple of ways. On a related note, break out your thesaurus when you're writing your speech attributions. Your characters should never "say" anything. They should murmur, whisper, screech, laugh, stammer, sigh, and shudder their words whenever possible. This helps give the reader an idea of how the character is feeling, and it cuts down on wordiness. Plus, it's fun for your reader to imagine what shuddered sentences actually sound like.

Finally, you'll want to create your own style and voice. An easy way to do this is to write incomplete sentences, repeatedly use that cool word you found in your dictionary and just had to incorporate, make up words, and use original punctuation. If you do these things, your readers will remember your book and your work will stand out.

!!!

Wednesday Writing (Index)

Wednesday Writing is a creative-writing meme that was started by Tashi at Taste Life Twice.

Wednesday Writing (2)
Wednesday Writing (1)