Review - My Life as a Bench

My Life as a Bench
by Jaq Hazell
Date: 2017
Publisher: Nowness Books
Reading level: YA
Book type: prose novel
Pages: 234
Format: e-book
Source: Amazon.ca

'There are so many benches lining the riverside, each and every one tragic in its own way.'

Ren Miller has died aged seventeen and yet her consciousness lives on, inhabiting her memorial bench by the River Thames in London.

Ren longs to be reunited with her boyfriend Gabe, but soon discovers why he has failed to visit. Devastated, she must learn to break through and talk to the living so she can reveal the truth about her tragic end.

Unique, haunting, and compelling, this is a story about love, friendship, a passion for music and what, if anything, remains after we've gone.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

WARNING: spoilers - To read this review with the spoilers hidden, check it out on Goodreads.

I really didn't like this one. Here's the thing: I made a sort of reading resolution this year that I was going to stick to books from big publishers in 2018. I've become exhausted from reading self-pubbed and indie crap. Picking this book up was my own fault... but, to be fair, I assumed an award-winning novel would be written and edited well. I didn't realize that the awards this book won were for self-published and independent-press books.

I don't really have a problem with the premise. In fact, it's kind of interesting. But the way it was executed was not. Ren's spirit is basically trapped in a memorial bench on the banks of the river. She has no one to talk to, other than another bench spirit named Lionel, who conveniently goes silent every night so we can listen to Ren narrate her life for us. There are a couple of problems with this setup. One is the repetition. For much of the book, Ren repeats herself, and we have to listen to variations on her first days in London over and over again. So much of that could've been skimmed over even more (but that would've decreased the page count on what is already a short book... even if it doesn't feel like it when you're reading it). By the time Ren finally tells us the whole story, we're into about the last quarter of the book. Almost all of the action happens after that point, making it really uneven. The second problem with Lionel may be something that's just a limitation of the Kindle edition, but I'm not sure. See, when Ren and Lionel talk to each other, Ren's dialogue is in italics. Lionel's isn't. There are no quotation marks. The problem comes in because Lionel's dialogue is formatted the exact same way as the regular narration, so sometimes I couldn't tell for a moment whether Lionel was speaking or if we'd reverted back to the narration. I have to wonder if perhaps the paperback edition uses different fonts for Lionel and Ren, but this issue, combined with a few others, makes me suspect that it was just the author being artsy.

There were other stylistic choices that I wasn't fond of. In fact, by the end of the book, I was getting really pissed off. And I'm going to assume they're stylistic choices, because someone with an MA in Creative Writing should know better than to pull all the crap this author did. Between the silent actions that passed for dialogue tags (probably my biggest pet peeve) to this weird dialogue thing she did where two sentences would be tacked together with a tag, but the second sentence always started with a lowercase letter, I was about ready to DNF the whole thing out of frustration.

The story takes place in London, for the most part, so there's a lot of British slang. I was wishing for a glossary as I was reading, and I discovered one at the end. But most of the words I'd had trouble with weren't even in it! (I have a feeling the glossary was written more for British folks who might not've understood teenage slang. As a Canadian, I encountered lots of other words I wasn't sure about... but that most Brits would probably know.)

The story itself is ham-fisted and looks like it was trying to take advantage of the current discussions about race and discrimination. The problem is that it was done so badly that I didn't buy it. On the one hand, we've got Gabe, a mixed-race kid (he's half black, which we don't even find out until way into the story, even though it's important to the plot), who's accused of murdering Ren. Despite the fact that he's pretty much squeaky clean, everybody assumes he killed her, even though it goes completely against his character. When we finally find out what really happened, it comes so far out of left field that I still have a hard time believing that that's how it unfolded. Besides the fact that the real killer's motives weren't foreshadowed enough, Gabe basically got out of jail because of a psychic. That's... would that really happen? If the police were so racist as to assume Gabe was guilty simply because he was black and in the vicinity, would he really get off because a psychic said he didn't do it?

The ending was left full of questions. Where did Lionel go? Why is Ren's spirit still there? Is she really going to stay there for decades, just so she can visit with Gabe? And does she expect Gabe to stay loyal to her and never move on with his own life?

Overall, this was an interesting premise that could've been worked into a really cool story, but the way it was handled was boring, repetitive, unrealistic, and kind of annoying. This isn't a book I'd recommend... even if it has won some awards.

Premise: 3/5
Plot: 1/5
Characters: 1/5
Pace: 1/5
Writing: 2/5
Editing: 2/5
Originality: 2/5
Enjoyment: 1/5

Overall Rating: 1.63 out of 5 ladybugs

Review - Chapter Six

Chapter Six
by Stephen Graham Jones
Date: 2014
Publisher: Tor Books
Reading level: A
Book type: short story
Pages: 32
Format: e-book
Source: Tor.com

"Chapter Six", by Stephen Graham Jones, is an anthropological zombie story about Crain, a grad student, who has a theory of mankind’s evolution. As he and his former professor scavenge on bone marrow left behind by the local zombie horde, he makes his well-reasoned argument.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

This is a different sort of zombie story. Very cerebral. Even though we don't really see any brain-munching going on...

It was just okay for me. It read too much like a textbook, with these two anthropology nerds talking shop. The story did pick up eventually, but only at the end. It almost felt like... well, Chapter Six of a novel. All the technical discussions about evolution would've been okay as part of a larger work, but they took up way too much of this short story and made it kind of boring. The ending makes up for that a little, but it's still not something I'd read again for fun.

Quotable moment:

Once it was dark enough that they could pretend not to see, not to know, they used a rock to crack open the tibia of what had once been a healthy man, by all indications. They covered his face with Crain’s cape, and then covered it again, with a stray jacket.

"Modern sensibilities," Dr. Ormon narrated. "Our ancestors would have had no such qualms."

Plot: 2/5
Characters: 3/5
Pace: 2/5
Writing & Editing: 3/5
Originality: 3/5

Enjoyment: 3/5

Overall Rating: 2.71 out of 5 ladybugs

Review - As Good as New

As Good as New
by Charlie Jane Anders
Date: 2014
Publisher: Tor Books
Reading level: A
Book type: short story
Pages: 32
Format: e-book
Source: Tor.com

From the author of the Hugo-winning "Six Months, Three Days," a new wrinkle on the old story of three wishes, set after the end of the world.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

Quirky and pretentious, this is a short story about a woman who finds a genie and his bottle after the end of the world and sets about trying to make things right. I wasn't impressed with the writing (here we have yet another author who doesn't know how to correctly punctuate dialogue), and the overall tone was both bland and affected. The MC's best friend's name was Julie for the first half, and Julia for the second, and there was even one spot where we were suddenly inside a non-POV character's head for one sentence. Editor?

The main character, Marisol, isn't too bad, but we don't really know much about who she is, beyond a few labels. The descriptions of her weird plays didn't help much, either; those just made me feel like she was trying way too hard to be an artiste. And Richard, the genie... Almost immediately, he's described as looking like a Jew, and then Marisol refers to him as a "self-loathing" genie. I went back and reread how the character was introduced, and I couldn't see anything that indicated self-loathing. So either the author was relying on a tired stereotype, or she was telling the reader about the character, rather than showing (which isn't great, either).

I didn't quite understand the wishes. I mean, I understood what they were, but Marisol's second wish pretty much eliminated the need for the third (and fourth) wishes, so I didn't really understand why she made them the way she did. I got the feeling that she was just trying to show how clever she was. She wouldn't make stupid wishes like all those other wishers of the past. She was too smart to do the things that would lead to apocalyptic results. Well, good for you, Marisol. But you basically wasted two wishes. She had all the time in the world to think about how to overcome any loopholes or paradoxes, so you'd think she would've been able to come up with something better... or at least a little more interesting. (Technically, she wouldn't have had a lot of time, but we're operating under the assumption that frozen microwave dinners have infinite viability. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to eat those after a few years, no matter how good your freezer was.)

This review is threatening to overtake the story itself, as far as word count goes, so I'll just end it here. Not terrible, but not great, and probably pretty forgettable. I'm sure there are better genie stories out there.

Quotable moment:

Maybe she would have done more good as a playwright than as a doctor, after all—clichés were like plaque in the arteries of the imagination, they clogged the sense of what was possible. Maybe if enough people had worked to demolish clichés, the world wouldn’t have ended.

Plot: 3/5
Characters: 2/5
Pace: 3/5
Writing & Editing: 2/5
Originality: 2/5

Enjoyment: 2/5

Overall Rating: 2.26 out of 5 ladybugs

Review - We Have Always Lived on Mars

We Have Always Lived on Mars
by Cecil Castellucci
Date: 2013
Publisher: Tor Books
Reading level: YA
Book type: short story
Pages: 32
Format: e-book
Source: Tor.com

Nina, one of the few descendants of human colony on Mars that was abandoned by Earth, is surprised to discover that she can breathe the toxic atmosphere of the Martian surface. The crew, thinking that their attempts at terraforming and breeding for Martian adaptability have finally payed off, rejoice at the prospect of a brighter future. But Nina's about to unlock the mystery of the disaster that stranded them on Mars... and nothing will ever be the same.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

This was a quick read, fairly predictable, and not all that original.

The writing is just so-so. The editing isn't great. People kept "laying" when they should've been "lying", and when someone was already lying on the ground, she said her knees buckled (huh?). Characters are sparse and not developed. The story raises a lot more questions than it answers. I prefer more answers. This story didn't offer nearly enough.

This was fine for a quick read, but it's not really something I'd want to read again or recommend.

Quotable moment:

We have been trying to infect the planet with life so that we can make it ours. But it is slow going. Sometimes there is moss.

Plot: 2/5
Characters: 2/5
Pace: 3/5
Writing & Editing: 3/5
Originality: 1/5

Enjoyment: 3/5

Overall Rating: 2.43 out of 5 ladybugs

Review - Daughter of Necessity

Daughter of Necessity
by Marie Brennan
Date: 2014
Publisher: Tor
Reading level: A
Book type: short story
Pages: 32
Format: e-book
Source: Tor.com

By day she crafts; by night she unmakes. Surely somewhere, in all the myriad crossings of the threads, there is a future in which all will be well. Marie Brennan offers an intriguing new spin on a classic tale.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

This is a case of "it's not you, it's me". There was really nothing wrong with this story. I just wasn't crazy about the style (it's very detached) and I didn't find the characters that engaging.

It's basically a short take on Penelope (wife of Odysseus) and what she was up to with that loom while she was waiting for her husband to return. Here, we're offered an alternate explanation as to why she was undoing her weaving every night (and it wasn't just to stall).

If you're really into myths and old stories, or have actually read The Odyssey, you might get more out of this one. For me, though, it was just okay.

Quotable moment:

She retires for the night, trembling, exhausted. Frightened. And exhilarated. When morning comes, all is as it was before, her problems unchanged, her desperation the same. Gathering her courage, she goes back to the loom.

Plot: 2/5
Characters: 3/5
Pace: 3/5
Writing & Editing: 4/5
Originality: 3/5

Enjoyment: 2/5

Overall Rating: 2.71 out of 5 ladybugs

Review - Oddity

Oddity
by Sarah Cannon
Date: 2017
Publisher: Feiwel Friends
Reading level: MG
Book type: prose novel
Pages: 304
Format: e-book
Source: library

Welcome to Oddity, New Mexico, where normal is odd and odd is normal.

Ada Roundtree is no stranger to dodging carnivorous dumpsters, distracting zombie rabbits with marshmallows, and instigating games of alien punkball. But things haven't been the same since her twin sister, Pearl, won the town's yearly Sweepstakes and disappeared . . .

Along with her best friend, Raymond, and new-kid-from-Chicago Cayden (who's inability to accept being locked in the gym with live leopards is honestly quite laughable), Ada leads a self-given quest to discover Oddity's secrets, even evading the invisible Blurmonster terrorizing the outskirts of town.

But one of their missions goes sideways, revealing something hinky with the Sweepstakes . . . and Ada can't let it go. Because, if the Sweepstakes is bad, then what happened to Pearl?

Join a tough eleven-year-old as she faces down zombie rabbits, alien mobs, and Puppet Cartels while trying to find her missing twin in Sarah Cannon's imaginative middle-grade debut, Oddity.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

This book seemed to start off pretty well, with an exciting scene involving schoolkids trying to take down live leopards in the gym. It set the tone for the rest of the book's quirkiness. Unfortunately, those quirks were both its strength and its weakness.

For the longest time, I thought I was going to DNF this one. If I go back over my notes, I see that I was over halfway in when I suspected I might be getting to the main plot. That's way too late for any book, never mind one aimed at younger readers. When the plot finally did get going, it still had some hiccups and stalls before finally barrelling through toward the finale. The pacing in the whole book seemed off as a result, and the little "six months later" epilogue at the end really could have been skipped, since it was basically just a rushed scene that didn't really add anything to the story (except another quirky anecdote).

So... Oddity, New Mexico is a weird little town. It's sort of along the lines of Midnight, Texas, but with a more kid-friendly slant. There are aliens running around town, getting into weird face-offs with zombie rabbits (which I actually liked; their grasp of grammar was especially amusing--one of them referred to a particular type of frozen meat as "beeves"... which makes a weird sense if you think about it). The whole town is run by a quartet of sentient puppets. Yes, puppets. It's just one of the weird and wonderful ideas in this extremely creative story.

The problem is, so much of the first part of the book is spent developing this complex world. Each chapter seems like a little vignette, unrelated to any sort of overarching plot. And while I can see, looking back, that those episodes helped to explain a lot of what was going on, it didn't seem like those bits were relevant at the time. It's almost as if this story wasn't meant to be a novel. I can see it as a graphic novel (where you could draw many of these creatures and scenarios without having to explain them in writing) or as an animated movie (it would be so cute and colourful); as a novel, though, all that exposition and world-building became a bit tedious.

Then there's the issue of the ages. There are a few things in the book that made me wonder if the characters had originally been written as a bit older (13 or so, maybe?) and then were aged down later. I'm not sure why this would've been done, because it would've worked so much better had the characters been a little older. Then I wouldn't have had to wonder why all these kids were going through precocious puberty (Ada mentions that she continually teased her guy friends about their cracking voices, and one of them wears body spray, implying he's already getting stinky... but they're only supposed to be 11-year-old fifth-graders), why nobody seemed to care that preteens were running around at all hours of the day and night, and why Ada used words that I constantly had to look up. Writing child characters can be tricky. They need to sound like kids. Ada didn't. I might've been able to go with it if she'd been 13 and a voracious reader or something, but when an 11-year-old who hasn't shown any inclination toward being particularly studious talks about a baby being "fractious", the author's clearly showing her hand.

There's quite a bit of representation here. Ada's black, her friend has two moms, and her aunt's disabled. However, I wasn't quite sure why Ada was black, particularly in this setting. It might've been nice to see a kid with a background from the local area, maybe Pueblo. There was also a questionable joke about a certain type of alien that resided in the town that came perilously close to an offensive racial stereotype. I'm not sure if that's what the author intended, but that's how I read it.

Still, I really wanted to find out what happened to Ada's sister, Pearl. So I kept reading. Luckily, this book has some of the technically strongest writing I've read in ages, so at least I didn't have to worry about that. And when we finally got around to the real meat of the story, it was exciting and ultimately satisfying.

Premise: 4/5
Plot: 2/5
Characters: 3/5
Pace: 2/5
Writing: 3/5
Editing: 4/5
Originality: 5/5
Enjoyment: 3/5

Overall Rating: 3.25 out of 5 ladybugs

Review - Ghosts

Ghosts
by Raina Telgemeier
Date: 2016
Publisher: Graphix
Reading level: MG
Book type: graphic novel
Pages: 256
Format: e-book
Source: library

Catrina and her family are moving to the coast of Northern California because her little sister, Maya, is sick. Cat isn't happy about leaving her friends for Bahía de la Luna, but Maya has cystic fibrosis and will benefit from the cool, salty air that blows in from the sea. As the girls explore their new home, a neighbor lets them in on a secret: There are ghosts in Bahía de la Luna. Maya is determined to meet one, but Cat wants nothing to do with them. As the time of year when ghosts reunite with their loved ones approaches, Cat must figure out how to put aside her fears for her sister's sake - and her own.

(synopsis from Goodreads)

I'm in the minority here, based on the book's high Goodreads rating, but I just didn't like this all that much. I felt like it wasn't quite sure what it wanted to be: a serious "issue" book or a fantasy. I certainly wasn't expecting all those ghosts to actually show up... or to look so corny.

My main problem, though, was that I just didn't like the characters. Maya was obnoxious, and though I know she was supposed to be a spirited (and occasionally annoying) younger sister, she just rubbed me the wrong way. Cat was even worse. She was downright rude. If I'd behaved toward new neighbours the way she did--in front of my parents, no less--I would've gotten an earful... and probably been grounded. I get that teenagers can have an attitude, but Cat wasn't called out on her rudeness. Which made me kind of hate her parents. Actually, the only character I sort of liked in the whole book was Carlos, but he was kind of unrealistically perfect for a teenage boy.

The style of art didn't do much for me, either. In fact, I preferred the sketches that were included at the end, even though they were black and white. The whole Day of the Dead theme was interesting, but... it wasn't really enough to save this book for me.

As I said, though, I'm in the minority. Lots of people like it, so if you like graphic novels with stories about sick kids or ghosts, you might enjoy it more than I did.

Plot: 3/5
Characters: 2/5
Pace: 3/5
Writing & Editing: 3/5
Illustration: 2/5
Originality: 2/5

Enjoyment: 2/5

Overall Rating: 2.38 out of 5 ladybugs